I don't know about you guys, but it's always kinda bugged me that this was a thing.... Song lyrics, romance novels, and overly dramatic movies often involve this desperate, obsessive co-dependence and inundate society with the idea that this is normal and healthy.
Hate to break it to you, world... it's so not!
Sacrificing or losing yourself in a romantic relationship only serves to make everyone miserable and it isn't sustainable long-term. To really, truly have a happy and lasting relationship - whether it's romantic or the one you have with your parents, kids, and siblings - you absolutely need to love and care for yourself before you're any good to anybody else.
A big part of that is maintaining your individuality and your independence! Keep doing the hobbies you love. Stay in your book club. Don't give anything you're passionate up just because your partner can't handle it.
Unfortunately this happened to me with music. I was married at 17 and he had this tendency to be rude about the songs I wrote (while everyone else loved them, mind you) and got offended at the lyrics. When I published my first book at age 19, he was jealous of me instead of happy for me.
Needless to say I couldn't handle that kind of unhealthy insanity from someone I was supposed to spend my life with, so I left just before our third anniversary, but you get the idea.
Don't ever lose yourself to be with someone else. If they really, truly love you, they won't demand that you change the things you love. They may challenge you to become better at it, but they shouldn't ask you to stop playing the piano and singing or writing poetry just because they're jealous.
(All of this, of course, within reason! Use your common sense when weighing the things your partner loves and work together as a team to make the best possible decisions.)
I hope you enjoyed the video & blog post! I'll probably share more on this topic in future videos =).
Twisted yet positive coffee enthusiast with an appreciation for blood, mystery, and Root Beer floats.
All content © Jennifer-Crystal Johnson.
For inquiries about speaking engagements, freelance work, or consulting, please email jen (at) brokenpublications (dot) com.